Benson's mission president asked that each family write to their missionary a special letter for the holidays that will leave them uplifted and know of our love, to be read privately during their mission-wide Christmas Conference.
I'm kind of proud of this letter because I was able to express myself clearly and it tells the story of growth in both child and parents. I don't think he'll mind my sharing this letter with you.
Dear Sweet Benson,
We are bursting at the seams with joy over you.
You have given us so much to be thankful for and I know my heart will be more tender this holiday season not because I’m missing you but because God is good to us and I am so grateful that his sacrifice by the atonement has taken seed in your heart.
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, Dad and I were newly married, and we decided we wanted to become a family. One month went by with no news and I cried because I thought my fears of being barren were true. The next month the most amazing miracle I could have imagined in my life became a reality! Dad and I were scared and excited all at the same time.
It was a difficult pregnancy, and we didn’t know if we were having a boy or girl. The night before your due date we went for a walk and talked about what we imagined parenthood would be like. I told dad we hadn’t decided all of our parenting strategies for if things get hard. He laughed and said it would be OK. I went into labor the next day and there was no turning back. Dad and I were scared and excited all at the same time.
We held you in our arms late into that first night while we had ice cream at the hospital and talked of all of our dreams for this sweet little boy who we decided needed to be named after one of the greatest men we knew. He needed a great name so he would remember how great he truly is, and the potential within him. We talked of our Baby Benson someday serving a mission and I cried, on the very day he was born, because I would be sad when he would leave. Our hearts had swollen 3 times their size! Dad and I were scared and excited all at the same time.
As you grew and more brothers and sisters joined the family, it was apparent to us more and more that agency was a far bigger contender than we had bargained for. We wanted to keep you safe and pain-free of mistakes but you were determined to choose your own way… which really is far better. You taught us to step away and allow your agency, and this was good. I made many mistakes trying to understand my role as your mother but I learned to rely on the spirit. You taught me that. Letting go and trusting…. well, Dad and I were scared and excited all at the same time.
You began to study the gospel for yourself. Many times we would come down to chase you into bed and you would be reading the Book of Mormon, so how could we fault that? Our boy was becoming a man and choosing a path we could not force. Many times you were the only young man attending temple prep class long before a mission was a reality. Attending the temple with friends regularly and blessing the sacrament with dignity. And then, the mission age change came in conference and in an instant everything changed. Dad and I wondered if we had taught you everything you needed to know since we were suddenly out of time. We were scared and excited all at the same time.
The day you left on your mission was very surreal. I noticed you taking big breaths but I also noticed you smiling a lot. You were more excited than you were scared and we were proud of your amazing attitude. I wondered at how I could handle my heart bursting with so much love for you. I wondered also at how my heart could handle missing our first-born and I remembered that first night in the hospital and tried to fathom how the time had gone by so quickly. You came to us and left us ...2 major destination points only about a mile away from each other. We knew you would do great but we also knew it would be hard. How did we feel? We were scared and excited all at the same time. :-)
Since you have been gone we have had blessings poured on our heads. It has been witnessed to us over and over again that you are exactly where the Lord needs you and that your and our sacrifice is accepted. I would like to attempt a list of blessings we know we have received as a direct result of your service:
1. An increase of love between family members. Everyone realizes that being together is not a permanent way of life.
2. Joshua has increased his preparation in every way and is becoming a valiant servant because you have led the way.
3. The basement flood. Yes, I mean it! Although it has been a difficult trial, the living space in the basement would never have been improved so thoroughly without the disaster and insurance help. We have better been able to deal with all the treasures you and Josh have kept over the years. Our home is greatly improved and this trial has been a far bigger blessing than we realized.
4. I have easily found 10 violin students, which is unusual. I teach 2 days a week. It’s perfect, and I am able to bring in added income that adequately helps pay for your mission! I met a lady once who discovered a craft as a way to pay for her son’s mission, and I actually wondered if I would ever be able to do the same. My violin has been here all along, I love to teach, and the pay is great. I set my own schedule and I do not have to leave the home! I am so blessed, and I know it is because the Lord needs you, and soon, Josh. If you’ll recall, I started teaching just before the mission age change and I believe that was the Lord prompting me to already have it in place.
5. Dad received a raise and promotion this year. What a wonderful and timely blessing.
6. I have come to know and love Kenzie. She is a strength to me and so willing to share herself with the family. The girls look to her as who they would like to become and I couldn’t be more grateful for that influence. Her testimony and ability to love is beyond her years. I trust her and feel a kinship with her that has been a surprising blessing in my life.
7. Our health has been good. You have had good health in the mission field.
8. Alex and Jackson are growing up with your missionary influence. I have several times overheard them in primary mentioning “my brother, a missionary” in their comments.
9. The spirit has helped us to still feel close to you in many ways: A song that you loved that comes on the radio. The photo-shrine in the kitchen, lol. Your weekly letters that are so personable. Preparing packages to send to you. A quiet assurance that you are doing OK, despite difficult situations you have faced on your mission.
10. Lastly, we have been blessed with seeing a new side of you. Perhaps even glimpses of the great man you are becoming. I could not imagine it. I could not even dream this stuff up. Your heart has embraced the gospel and you understand how Christ loves us, what our purpose in life is, and you are more determined than ever to work hard and serve more faithfully. The Lord will need you to accomplish great things, as you are a valiant servant and disciple of Christ.
No, our family will not be the same when you come home. It is better. Our hearts are softer. Our testimonies stronger. Our resolve to have an eternal family has never been more purposeful. We are doing our best to invite Christ to be at the center of our home.
We are still working hard at our imperfections. We have fun, too, and try to laugh a lot. You might get a kick out of this… Alex took to heart a comment I said the other day to the kids about keeping the basement nice now and lovingly told me, “Mom, I love you so much that I promise never to fart in the basement.” What greater love is there than that? :-)
You are blessed at this time of your life to have an intense consecration of your life to the Savior. As your mission president wisely has said, “Hoe to the end of the row.” Look back with no regrets. Know that we are being hugely blessed at home because you are serving. I love your letters! I really do. Monday is my favorite day of the week because I get to get a glimpse into your life and I get to put thoughts down in my letters to you.
We are blessed because of you and I hope you feel blessings because of us. We earnestly pray for you and are turning our home into a mini-MTC, as requested by our Stake President. Support for Elder Rice runs high priority around here! I put your name on the Motab prayer rolls every rehearsal and broadcast and we pray as a body of saints for you and many others, and that’s a powerful thing.
You are now the steward of your own life. We can only feel excitement for you, and are shedding any “scared” emotions because our responsibility for you is shifting to your shoulders comfortably. You are a man in our eyes, no longer the 9 year old boy living in our cocoon. You've permanently got residence in our hearts, which will always be dedicated to loving you! We are excited to keep watching the process of your life unfold and hove total confidence that you will keep doing remarkably as a missionary and in the years to come. You have leadership strengths, and gifts of comforting others, clarity of thought, and identifying the deeper message that our Savior is trying to teach you. You are generous, positive, and a man of action. You have so many gifts to help you be a great disciple of the Lord, and that is all He needs of you, to have a willing heart.
You have been such a blessing to Dad and I.
All my love,
Mom
