Countdown #1 No-Shave November

I don't even know why I'm still counting down.  I guess because I finally made it to #1.

Anyone heard of "No-Shave November"?  It's a guy thing.  A way to show off one's manliness and ability to grow facial hair.

Exhibit A:  Josh
Day 23

Wait for it.... wait for it..... look for it..... huh.  I think at the edge of his mouth I see something.

No worries, I have a solution:

The BEARD BEANIE.

Yes, I have spent No-Shave November crocheting beards for the men in my life.  Thanks to my friend Kathryn we figured out the pattern and I went from a non-crocheter to a pro.  Kinda.

When I met Michael he had a beard.  (For a show.)  Insta beard brings back some memories.

It looks even better (scarier) with the beanie.

Let's just say that I tried on the first beard I made, but on sunglasses and the beanie and SCARED MYSELF in the mirror.  So I tried scaring Michael out of a deep sleep but he didn't even flinch.  Lame.

The point being, Benson will need one next year when he's cold in Idaho.  Although beards are against the honor code at BYU-Idaho... so I'm not really sure how he'll resolve his face warmer/violation issue.  Eh.

p.s. how weird is that... I have a son who just applied to college!!  FREAK OUT!!  ok, freak out over.

Now.  Not to leave out the ladies, I have created something very special. 

One of my close friends is getting married, so I made this for her.  I know you want one.

It's an apron.  With a little extra somethin.

I patterned it after one my sister gave me. I have to say, I've never sewn cleavage before, and I'm really quite good at that part.

Many people consider me to be domestic.  Most do not, myself included.

#2 Dinner and a little dancin

Benson asked if we could host a dinner for his group for Homecoming.

I tried not to fall over from shock and excitement and pressure.

So I did what anyone would do, naturally.  I called my mother in law.  She is the QUEEN of catering, and she took me from deer in the headlights to mother of the year in spotlights.

But I thought of the false ceiling of Christmas lights myself.  Pat pat pat.  Michael was a good sport and installed permanent hooks in discreet places so we can recreate this partay of lights anytime.  I have a feeling this is only the beginning.  Oh, yeah.

Aren't the girls beautiful?  And modest?  I've never met a more grateful and polite group of kids.  So impressed.

I forgot to mention one small, well, significant detail:  Benson switched high schools this year.  FOR HIS SENIOR YEAR.  I was leery of this decision, but all along he kept saying he had a good feeling about it.  I mean, it's his senior year, the year where you celebrate with your life long (well, you know) friends and the end of their lives as they know it.  His reasons?  He wanted a new start.  He wanted to see if a new group of friends would be less drama and more fulfilling and more on the same page with his personal choices.

My very smart mother in law suggested the change would be good preparation for all the changes he has ahead.  I think she is right. :-)

I'm proud of him and his maturity to stick himself in a vulnerable situation and make it work.  He joined cross country and got involved in clubs and totally went in feet first.  This was surprising to me as our move was the hardest on him a few years ago.  I saw a new side of Benson that gave me respect for his ability to lead his life and will help me to let go next year when he heads off to college.

Way to go Benson.  I am seeing glimpses of the man you are becoming.  My heart swells.

#3 Pack up the Kids!!

For Halloween this year I tried PACKING TAPE BODY SCULPTURE.  I had always wanted to try this.

My eager volunteer, Jackson, did a great job.  For like the first 15 minutes.  For the next four hour long sessions I employed the magic of bribery.  Totally worth it if you are looking for that spooky ghosty yard look. 

Here's the technique:
1.  Backwards wrap, sticky side up until thoroughly covered, no missing spots.  Do this in sections.  Try to do a couple of layers at least.
2.  Now wrap sticky side down, several layers.  The more layers the more strength.
3.  Using medical scissors, cut slits to release your form, or er, child.
4.  Reseal the slits with packing tape.  If done well, you can't even see the slits.
5.  Seal sections together with packing tape.
6.  Do not wrap the actual head due to lethal reasons you can figure out.  We used a balloon.
7.  Display the awesomeness.  You can even put lights inside and let it glow.

Sticky side up.  Mommy's little Mummy.

"This is taking FOREVER!!" -Jackson (Um, we just started- hate to break the news.)

Resembling a snake skin.  He hatched.

Taped back up.  "That's really what I look like?" -Jackson

Legs.  Hat.  Whatever. 

Headless pushups.  Creepy.

Our rude dinner guest that sits in the corner waiting to get ahead in life.

Ahead in life.

Turns out estimating too big with a balloon gives an alien effect.

Floating over my cemetery=scared myself.  See my own real ghost who lives at my house- the story.

I kinda love Halloween.  I also had creepy eyes in the windows on huge tv screens playing video of real eyeballs looking around close up.  I know,  I'm sick.

Just as long as I don't ever make a kid pee his pants on my front doorstep ever again like at Halloween few years ago.  That's my goal.  I still feel bad about that one.

"It was an acci-DENT"

We interrupt this countdown... this intense countdown...

*newsflash*
SOMEONE WENT ALL DUKES OF HAZARD ON OUR WHITE CAR AND NOW THE HOOD IS DENTED and his name starts with  J*SH.

 Why didn't we have a family home evening on NOT SLIDING ACROSS HOODS WITH YOUR BODY?

I'll tell ya why.  Nobody tells you all the things your kids will do to your stuff because their brains have not fully developed.  In his mind it was going to be so cool.  T.V. isn't real, p.s.

As if our car weren't white trash enough with the antlers and red nose we added a few nights ago.

Maybe all I need now is a horn that trumpets The General Lee.  If I had one, though, I might be tempted to slide across my hood when I'm in a rush.  Or just to be cool.

Okay.  I guess I can see where he gets it.

#4 Bafrooom

Recently I was in a public bathroom changing Alex's diaper.  We haven't frequented many public bathrooms, clearly.

As I was changing him, there was someone in the stall, making some, er, bathroom "sounds".

Alex, loudly:  "What's that??!!?!!  A whistle?"

I ignore, horrified.
More interesting bathroom sounds.

Alex, even louder:  "What's that???!?!?!?!?  A BABY HORSE???!!"

Yeah.

#5 Taking it on the Road

Benson + Ukelele + Mom + Fiddle = Hawaii-American Awesomeness.
Why had we not tried this before? Love love love that we did this.

Me + Motab + African instruments + Violin + Summer Tour = Super Fun and Amazing minus any explanations or stories per strict rules about publicity factors.  I don't want the little door under my chair to one day drop open and I mysteriously disappear over a blog post.  Too bad.  I have good stories.  You'll just have to take me to lunch.

My carpool to orchestra includes these great friends of mine.  Recently we performed for a singles conference and a high priest group social.  We might even have an engagement in December.  Pretty much we need to make t-shirts with our tour cities on the back since we've made our way down the valley.  I think they named us "The Fiddle Chicks" but I wanted to be called "The Hot Flashes"...  btw, Martha, on the right, can fiddle like nobody's bidness.  Orange Blossom anyone?

Why yes, yes I do play the bass.  Started in junior high in jazz band.  YEE HAW I had blisters on my fingers from plucking in about 2 minutes.  But it was crazy fun.

drumroll...

Now I saved the best for last.  You might not believe it -but if you know me you would- I played a job I've never done anything like before. "The Hot Flashes" strike again only this time...

String quartet gig.  With a rock band.  Wearing Bigfoot suits.  Playing covers, such as this Stairway to Heaven video where we opened for a film festival:




Guess what?  I'm a sucker for a repeat gig with gorillas, so this Saturday night in downtown SLC the Wasasquatch Bigfoot Band is going to bring back the magic in a "Pirates vs. Bigfoot" Halloween event with your favorites:

"Close to You"

"Bring Him Home"

"We are the Champions"

"Stairway to Heaven"

Oh, yeah. Mmmm hmmmm.

Not that I have "the life" or anything, but... just sayin'.  I might be making it big any second now.  Be ready for it.

#6 Amy Grant

I have this friend who is OBSESSED with Amy Grant. Once she even gave her a package from the front row of a concert which  included a CD of her own original songwriting, written for Amy. (crazy whistle)

So when Amy Grant came to SLC, she gathered a bunch of us up and took us with her to the concert.

I'm thinking,"I know El Shadai from 1989 when one of my friends sang it at a school talent show. I have her Christmas album.  She's pretty good.  Didn't she marry Vince Gill?"

I was blown away by her concert.  Probably in the top 5 of my favorite concerts of any kind of all time.  She's authentic, she's spiritual, she's a great story teller.  I felt like we were best friends by the end of the concert.  I laughed, I cried, I knew I had to immediately download her music the second I got home.

(The lowlight of the concert was I had to use the bathroom like nobody's business right in the middle of the concert.   I finally got brave and got up from the center of the auditorium and RAN LIKE CRAZY with my friend Emily who was likewise in the same predicament.  No seriously, we two grown women running for the bathroom is a memory I won't soon forget.)

We all loved it.  I was surprised how many of her songs I knew and didn't know I knew.  I was surprised even more that she sang songs I'd never heard before but they spoke directly to my heart as if I'd always known them.  Even my obsessed friend (whose name also is Amy) said it was the best concert she'd been to of Amy Grant's.  

I think I caught the obsession.  It was a life changing concert, really.

#7 Crane Mobile

Aubrey folded some beautiful origami cranes out of scrapbook paper, all different sizes.  I kept them on my bedside table until I had: AN IDEA.

Suspend them from the ceiling.

 Over my bed.

With invisible thread.

Like a mobile for adults.  No, seriously, I could stare at them for like a whole minute.  Michael lies next to me and blows gusts of wind to make them fly around.  So cool.

I may have used a glue gun to attach the thread to the ceiling....  Michael came in while I was doing it and said, "no, you aren't doing what I think you are doing".  He really wasn't supposed to see that.  Ha. Ha. Hehe.

I would be lying if I didn't say the first two nights we didn't have birds falling on us in the middle of the night, but they are securely glued now.

And, of course, my teenagers have already warned me to watch for falling origami spitballs/bird poop.  So so funny.  No one knows what a trend setter I am.  Go ahead.  Call me Emily Stewart.  I like it.

#8 Flour Power

At Michael's family reunion we volunteered to run a "flour war", as suggested by Benson.  He'd done it before at a youth activity and it sounded like so much fun.

It's easy.

1.  Go to Payless and ask for nylon stockings for trying on shoes.  Ask for about 25 and they'll likely give you a whole box rather than count them out.  A whole box had about 100 footies.  SCORE.

2.  Fill each stocking with 1/4 to 1/2 cup of flour, preferably weevle infested or grandma's seriously outdated food supply.  Don't use your actual flour from your food supply.  That would be pretty lame.

3.  Knot the end of the stocking.  Repeat about 100 times.

4.  You can play different versions but we just played with no rules, like a water balloon fight.  You could reuse flour packs off the ground and they were good for a good 5-10 throws each.

It only took Alex about 3 seconds to understand the game.

 

We had about 50 people participate, young and old.

It looks like a war zone, complete with haze.

It only lasts like 10 minutes, but a memorable 10 minutes.

It pit sisters against brothers.

Tip:  Close your mouth when you laugh or it'll get caked.

We had a little rule about no faces getting hit.  Uh huh.

The dads and teenage boys were favorite targets.

Flour War Survivors

From a distance we don't look too bad.  It brushed off easily.

Tip #2:  I shouldn't have worn black pants.  My bum was targeted heavily.  Pictures withheld.

#9 catchup post

So Michael promised his mom as a young boy that he would never ride a motorcycle.

To this day he has kept his promise.  A grown man who would love to ride a motorcycle but loves his mother more.  He's a rare breed.

But he never promised not to paraglide.

Apparently paragliding is so much safer than a motorcycle.  Look how many little tiny strings hold you up.  What is there to fear?

Alex came along to watch.  "Dad's like a bird?"

"Yes, Daddy's like a bird."

One flight and he wants to get his own chute.  He says it's quiet and it's just man using physics to fly.  No engines or technical equipment.  Organic, as the modern cliche goes. 

This coming from the boy who flew hundreds if not thousands of paper airplanes off the top bunk in his room, refining the wings until he perfected the art while daydreaming of actually flying.

(FYI- Michael as a boy "accidentally" lit one of his trashcans full of paper airplanes on fire.  He personally ran it out of the house while it was aflame -through the family room of siblings watching TV.  But that story is for another day.)

OK, Michael.  This was supposed to get it out of your system.  Not INTO your system.  Anyone know how to write up an addendum to the motorcycle contract?

#10

David Letterman wrote me recently and wants to know why I haven't been blogging.  So here goes....

Top 10 Posts I Meant to Write About But Didn't Because I've Been So Doggone Tired:
(Drumroll please)

1. We had a late spring.  BIG WHOOP DE DOO, I know.  But it meant snow which meant snowMAN which meant snowman on the TRAMP, even better.

 And who doesn't like a good snowman WHOMPIN?  "Yeah, snowman, ya crack the egg LOOSAH."

Pssh.