I've got one foot in the grave.

All this talk of missions.  It's making me crazy.

I'm projecting everything already now.  I'm becoming my mother.
"This is the last Thanksgiving all together."
"It won't be long... next he'll be getting married."
"I can't be a grandma, I'm too young!"

But the truth is, the next time Benson will see Josh is when Josh gets home from his mission.  In July 2016. And that makes me sad.  The last time they were apart for that long was, well... never. Sad for them, and sad for me losing my children.

But I guess not as sad as I would be if they were basement sloths. So, it's great... just the sad kind of great. The funny part is it's not even phasing Benson, he's just thrilled to be moving on in life.  I was the oldest in my family, so I remember what it felt like to leave home, as the first/oldest child, and what freedom I felt, with only a tinge of sadness. It's a great time of life.

Last week I was playing photographer for a wedding, and it reminded me what it felt like to be married for only 30 minutes and how young we were and how much of life was ahead of us.  Hadn't we just arrived? Hardly.

Someone once told me there is more than one reason people cry at weddings. I imagine I'm starting to understand.

Aren't they beautiful?  This is the couple I photographed.  I wonder what struggles lie ahead for them, but for a day, at least, they get to feel pure joy.  They think this is the happiest day of their lives, but there are more to come, maybe even more joyous.

And then one day they'll turn around and wonder how it happened so fast and wonder that the Lord has a plan that continues through them into their lives and into their children's lives.

And I'm too young to be a grandma.  Just sayin.

P.S. I'm not going to be a grandma, in case anyone is thinking I'm breaking some news, I'm just freaking out about the future right now because it's so effective to do so.  And the holidays make mothers do crazy things, like think.