Ah, a glimpse of my future missionary son.
His Young Men leaders at church helped the boys make this lovely gift. It was accompanied by a semi-serious note (clearly they were painfully forced during class) expressing gratitude for special things like stroganoff-making and my real talent of being generally "all right".
But I don't think the leaders know his smirk like I know his smirk. Note the suppressed smile. The eye glint.
Which made it all the more precious.
What Josh doesn't know is that after it almost made me cry. Because it was so funny and because it is way too close to my heart.
Benson is even older, a junior, and we are talking more and more about college and a mission. It is so right around the corner and I'm getting
Despite all the parent/child struggles, does he truly know how much we love him?
Has he had the very best of me to carry with him as memories of home?
How will he face the harshness of this world without having our home to return to daily for refuge?
How will our family settle with one missing from our table?
And then Josh will be waiting in the wings to fly. And right behind him, the girls.
I feel like I'm looking over the edge of a steep cliff. Benson feels that way, too, from our conversations. I tell him he can do it as I try to convince myself of the same.
"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." -Henry Ellis
10 comments:
Just keep giving them hugs while you can and then hold on for the ride when they walk out your door.
Too close to home. We are behind you a few years, but man! When we start thinking of it in terms of 'we only have 3 more summer vacations with everyone' I start panicking.
Ok, I nearly cried with this post thinking about my own boys... at 3 and 1 years old! :) I'm glad you get to have the experiences first so you can help me through it when it's my turn.
If you figure it out, will you let me know? I'm seriously panicking about it. Thanks for putting my feelings into words.
that's it. I'm shutting the computer and going to go hug my girls until they pop.
Oh my, he looks so much like the boy Joseph Smith.
You're bringing me down Em. Although yesterday, I have to admit that Chad about had to move out earlier than he was originally planning. I hate "15". :(
Oh yes. Josh looks like if he had to look you straight in the eye, his whole composure would crack into a complete ball of rolling on the floor laughing. I love this. It is sooo Josh. Never know what his innocent heart is up to.
Emily now you know how tough it was for us when you four girls started leaving. At least your family is spread out. Four girls in four years... You all came fast and then you left fast. Soak up as much as you can because you'll just blink and they're gone. Enjoy every moment and remember that it's a privilege to be their parent.
Well, I'm glad you're thinking about it. I didn't! I surely wasn't prepared for the feelings of total confusion that came. There are other factors too; like going through the change of life. All of it comes quite naturally in time but it seems to coincide with letting go of our kids. You will wake up one day and feel totally confused about who you are and what kind of identity you have. It takes a while to get through it all, and in the end: you don't adjust, I think you just create something new.
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