Thursday, February 10, 2011

River Journey

The mood of this post is brought to you by way of writing and listening to Laura Veirs, "When You Give Your Heart".   Thanks Maryn.

I love getting inspired to do more of what I love and less of what I don't.  It feels so close I can touch it, but as I step back to make sure I proceed with the right foot... I look up... it's slipped further away.

Why do I hesitate to seize what I clearly know I want?...what will clearly bring me more joy?

I wonder.

Maybe I think I need permission to selfishly develop myself in my journey while having the responsibility of overseeing others' journeys.  My journey can't possibly be over and yet somehow I think it's supposed to be complete in order to help others to navigate theirs that have just begun.

But I'm thinking Bigger.  Maybe our journeys or routines become like a river that follows familiar grooves, only to cut deeper grooves over time.  Deep grooves like sandstone canyon walls in the Narrows.  I might splash out but never divert, hard as I may try.

Until...  I build a dam, something concrete and identifiable and permanent that forces me to find new ways down the hill.  No more the path of least resistance.  Some parts of me may find their way around the dam and continue to follow the familiar grooves, but mostly I am trickling through the grass, hitting boulders and trying to collect myself.

I long to be a river again, but stronger, calmer, more deep and sure.  A river that my children can sail swiftly and take them forward to begin their own journeys beyond me.


Yes, I wrote a serious post.  Just had to get it out, think it out.  I predict in approximately 3 minutes I will re-read this post and want to delete it.

3 comments:

Six-Pack Momma said...

Very well said.

englandmom14 said...

I like your "stream" of thought. Sorry...just had to. seriously though, i enjoyed your journey. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could ensure smooth sailing for our children with no rocks and tree roots to impede their own journey? then again, isn't it the little (and big)snags in the river that make life interesting? enjoyed your "thinking out loud". miss you!

Brit said...

so true. "To be a river for my children to sail swiftly" and safely... what better thing could a mom become? Anything you do that adds to that goal can only be considered unselfish, as a better you is ultimately better for your children. Thanks for sharing this, Emily!