I'm still tender from being a new mom. But maybe that wouldn't matter anyway.
Yesterday I went with my little sister to LDS Family Services for her first visit with a caseworker to discuss placing her baby for adoption. She is due in 3 weeks. How my heart breaks for her, to see her so strong and so broken at the same time.
Her path has been long and difficult and it is so refreshing to see her looking beyond herself. But for all the reasons that this is the right thing to do, the real test of her convictions will come in a moment of truth. My heart expanded three times the instant my eyes fell on my Alex, and I don't assume it would be any different for her. I believe she will follow through and that this is completely the right thing to do as a gift for the baby boy she carries, but how one does this is beyond me and I am grateful that I have not had to meet her trials.
She wants to do something, maybe make something, for the baby to take with him. Any ideas?
The lump in my throat is growing too big and I can't see much of what I'm typing.... gotta go squeeze my baby.
14 comments:
Emily, just reading your post brought tears to my eyes as I've been in your very situation. I also have a friend who adopted a little girl from a very sweet girl. Together they made a quilt/blanket for this little baby. It had the handprints of her birth Mom, her adoptive Mom, and the little baby. I believe it said the title of the song, "From God's Arms to My Arm's to Yours". I'm sure something from Stephanie would be so precious to that little one; to know that her Mom loved her that much. My prayers are with your family.
We love the pictures we have of Aerie's birth parents, and any letters that they've given her. The things that show who they are mean a lot. We like to look at their pictures with Aerie, and tell her the story of how she came to us. Maybe your sister could make a scrapbook of herself that includes pictures and/or a letter about herself, and how much she loves her baby.
Aerie's birth mother also gave her a big pink stuffed hippo that Aerie has hugged and loved ever since she was a baby. At various times, her half-sisters and grandparents have sent little gifts and cards, and we save everything, no matter what it is.
Does your sister know how open she wants to be with the adoptive family?
my heart is breaking for your sister and you. i just want to adopt her baby so badly as it was always a dream of mine and i never felt like my journey of receiving children from Heavenly Father was "done". If i were her i would make a scrapbook, however simple, of pictures of the baby's biological family. I would also write a letter to her while i was pregnant, the day the baby was born and also one for major milestones that the baby can read or have read to her (i.e. first day of school, graduations, wedding day, first date, engagement, etc....) it will be hard to imagine how she (stefanie) will feel but it will mean so much to the baby to know that her birth mom cared so much to take the time and put her love into these things. i, too, would make a blankie that the baby could keep always. best of everything to you and your sister, the new baby and the new family.
p.s. em, i will keep all involved in my prayers
Emily, I think that a quilt would be a wonderful keepsake to send on. She could always take a picture of her hands making the quilt - or in stages - so a record is made of the love that she put into it. Prayers are with all of you. Liz
Oh, that is hard. A few of Sam's sisters have given a baby up for adoption and it's no picnic - that's for sure. I'll be thinking about ideas for something she can make.
Emily, my brother and his wife are looking to adopt their second child. Adopting their first was the most wonderful thing for me to watch. I read the experience of the birth mom and what it was like for her and I could not imagine the pain of going through what she did. But I guess great sacrifice for such great eternal blessings. I know my brother and his wife have loved getting pictures of the birth mom and dad to show their son. The contact with their birth mom has meant a lot to them too.
Emily, I just remembered, my sister gave Esther (my sister in law who adopted the baby) a pillow with a quote embroidered on it. It could be done in vinyl or something else too... it said "Adoption is when a baby is born in a mommy's heart instead of her tummy." Esther loved it.
Hi, Emily. Oh, my dear Stefanie. I do love her very much. Getting a bit teary here. I know it has been years since I've seen her, but she in my heart will always be the bright light, a force with great magnetism, so much fun, always laughing. Those are my memories of her. One of the most beautiful girls I've ever met. I am praying for her and for the baby.
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are such loving, dedicated, and grateful adoptive parents. I LOVE their license plate frame. It says: "Adoption...It's about love."
I'll post their profile link here in case Stephanie is still searching. They always want us to pass their info along whenever possible as they are praying to add a sibling to their family. Megan is FULL of love, so genuine, so kind, so thoughtful, and so much fun and Shane is seriously one of the most amazing humans to walk the planet and I rank him right up there with my husband. Don't feel obligated to pass it on. You know Stefanie's situation best and what she is looking for.
http://www.meganandshane.com/
Good luck and may God comfort Stefanie and your family through this process.
PS I just read your quote about music. I am in LOVE with the birds in the woods quote. So, so, so very true! We are all such beautiful individuals all with something amazing to contribute no matter what it is. Now that is an inspiring quote.
Thank you all for your tender ideas. I am excited to share them with her and I know she will want to recognize her relationship with her son in a significant way.
If there is anyone you are wanting to suggest for adoption, I would be happy to pass on a profile. If she decides to go with LDS family services they would need to be profiled with them. Also, LDS Family Services has already told me they will not place with family members because the boundaries need to be defined from the outset. She is looking through profiles this week and wants to feel settled with someone right away.
Stef is in a rehab program that is part of her sentencing, so she will be there for the next 5 months. This complicates things as she is not in typical circumstances that would allow her more of the freedoms we are all used to at the end of our pregnancies. I am so proud of her and the progress she has made in the month she has been there already. It's a tough program. Her baby has been exposed to some drug use and she has not been able to get prenatal care until the last couple of weeks so it is very unclear what/if the baby will struggle with any disabilities.
I've never seen her so strong and focused on getting better and we are all praying that she can continue healing. Thank you for your added prayers for her and our family. I love you all.
Hey Emily! I have enjoyed reading your family blog! You have such a neat family, and I am so excited to have Jessica in my Activity Days! This perticular blog really hit home to me. I was adopted through the church. Words cannot describe how much it means to me that my birth mother had the courage to place me in my parents home. We too will adopt. I will pray for your sister! What an amazing person she must be! I love the idea of a quilt too!
My brother has 4 adopted children. An answer to his prayers. He and his wife were chosen by all of the birth mothers involved. Two of the babies came from LDS Social Services and two were from open adoptions. Our family is especially grateful for the love and unselfish acts of four beautiful birth mothers.
A gift of a small book of photographs of herself at each year of her life with a short love letter to her son with her signature.
xo Brooke
hey emily, I just had to comment on this post and check up on your sister. We are in the process of getting our profile up again at LDS (we have paid our fee, done the background check, etc. just waiting for our home study and then I think we'll be online). Anyway, if your sister wants to peek at our blog (although it sounds like she may be incarcerated so probably not a possibility), I'd love to have her look at our family. Maybe she has already chosen a family for her baby, but maybe just seeing Carter in our family would help her feel at peace with her decision. Honestly, I couldn't love Carter more if he were my own flesh and blood. I can say that because Addison IS and I love them both SOOO much (how does that happen so easily??) I'd love an update, and if she hasn't chosen a family yet, maybe we can send you some information about us to pass on...?
I love your blog!
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