Stef's Visit with Hayden

My sister, Stefanie had a baby 3 months ago and made the difficult decision to place him for adoption.

This week Stefanie was able to have a visit with little Hayden with his parents. They had pre-arranged for her to see him at this 3 month milestone. My parents and I were also invited. Although we've been watching him grow through Lynde's awesome blogging about him, we were anxious to hold him and to continue to find more closure to our sadness of missing him.

He looks wonderful and healthy and absolutely BEAUTIFUL and most of all he looks loved. Stefanie sweetly and tenderly told them how much it has meant to her personally that they were willing to raise him. You couldn't ask for better parents, really.

Just before she went in to see him, she showed us a little card she had made for him and we were all a little emotional. My emotions got the best of me when I saw her eyes and realized how much pain she has had and still faces. During the visit there were a few tears here and there for Stefanie, but I was impressed at how well she was able to hold it together. She misses him. Hayden was passed around and he was so calm and taking everything in. He even seemed to know he was being photographed! What a perfect little baby!

Towards the end, Stef turned to me and said quietly,"I know we said half an hour but I just need to hold him a little longer." Of course Lynde and Devin allowed her all the space she needed and were so excited to tell us funny stories about his personality. Such a necessary visit, a moment in time captured in our hearts.

She was a bit more emotional afterward, her heart feeling the goodbye. I know this will sound silly, but Hayden began to cry as we were passing him back to his parents and I felt like maybe he was a little bit sad to say goodbye, too. The thought of this choked me up a bit. Just a little spirit to spirit speaking. Either that or he was hungry! :-)

She has said more than once that she is so glad that Hayden will never have to worry about having a mom in her (Stef's) situation. It's been made even more clear recently when another girl in her program unexpectedly walked away from her recovery, leaving her 3 month old with his father. She feels like this just shows how difficult recovery can be, and to have it compounded with trying to care for a baby, even in the best recovery program possible it is SO difficult to do both.

Stefanie has so much love in her heart, she is so generous and notices the good in everyone around her. You can see clearly how addiction muffled this for awhile but as she is healing it's almost magnified now! I'm so proud of her. She is working so hard.

Anyway, Stefanie has a new glow about her and is so FUN to be with. She actually seems to be turning back the clock with her looks, too! I love her and pray for her to have the strength to stay healthy. I've really missed her.